Oh my Watanuki! It's Hitsuzen! In the mind of Yûko
by Hatori Ichihara
Summary: Between telling us what the little hitsuzens really are, arguing with the authoress and making odd visits to past customers Yûko certainly has a lot to say. So we shall listen… while she tells us stories of being sober… and drunk.
1. The Real Hitsuzen

**Oh My Watanuki! It's Hitsuzen! The mind Of Yûko Ichihara**

Disclaimer: do not own xxxHoLiC or anything else mentioned. 

_Summary: Between telling us what the little hitsuzens really are, arguing with the authoress and making odd visits to past customers Yûko certainly has a lot to say. So we shall listen… while she tells us stories of being sober… and drunk. _

* * *

Chapter 1: The Real Hitsuzen

The world is run by Hitsuzens. They're tiny little people inside your brain who go "Gaspies! It's time for your meds!" And they make you drunk and put you to sleep.

-

Don't look at me like that. I'm not drunk!

…

Much.

-

Anyway, I talk to those little Hitsuzens all the time. They make great conversation, and they supply their own drugs when we go out with Watanuki.

-

Speaking of Watanuki… did you know he sucks his thumb when he sleeps? Dômeki-kun and I watched him do it that night he got drunk in the park.

It was really funny… and sick; because after that he started crying "Mommy! Daddy! Yûko-san! Dômeki! I need to screw someone!"

-

Soooo yeah. We don't watch Watanuki in his sleep anymore.

-

"_I was so happy when you smiled. Your smile breaks through the clouds of gray…"_

There's the doorbell. Must be a customer.

-

"Excuse me"

"We say "sumimasen" or "gomen nasai" or "**Watashi wa biru ga motteimas Yûko-chan!**(I have beer Yûko-chan)"

"Just shut up about that and lemme explain my wish."

-

"Holy crap. I know your problem."

"What is it?"

"Whats your age"

"7346923876587129658.6"

"Yeah, I know your problem… YOU LIE BITCH."

"… no I don't… lemme go meet my boyfriend now (runs to her job)"

-

Wow… she didn't even let me give her a ring….

"Yûko-san, are you feeling ok?"

"No my dear Watanuki… I do not."

"…"

-

I wonder why he looked at me like that.

…

Oh my holy sweet Watanuki… I think Watanuki likes me!

"I most certainly do not!"

"Surrrreeee you don't Watanuki… (evil grin)"

"AGH STALKER (runs)"

-

Well that had nothing to do with the conversation…

-

I feel like checking up on that computer lady.

I think it will be just like out last meeting…

-

_(flashback)_

"Yo lady homedog. Yo mo fo finished with the computa?"

"…"

_(end flashback)_

-

On the other hand… maybe I should visit someone else instead… T-T

-

I KNOW!

-

I'LL VISIT…….. HIMAWARI-CHAN!

* * *

eh-oh spaggetti-o. Yûko going to visit Himawari. review please! tell me if I should post chapter 2

Selina


	2. Visiting HimawariChan

**Oh My Watanuki! It's Hitsuzen! The mind Of Yûko Ichihara**

Disclaimer: do not own xxxHoLiC or anything else mentioned. 

_Summary: Between telling us what the little hitsuzens really are, arguing with the authoress and making odd visits to past customers Yûko certainly has a lot to say. So we shall listen… while she tells us stories of being sober… and drunk._

Chapter 2: Visiting Himawari-Chan

* * *

"Oh Himawari-chan! Guess who has come to visit!"

"Oh crap… please sir, I told you I only do one-night stands!"

"…"

"…"

"Its me… Yûko…"

"Oh… sorry… (Insert embarrassment here)"

-

"**HOLD IT"**

(Record screeches)

"Hey Kokkuri-san! How DARE you simply say 'insert embarrassment here' instead of explaining how Himawari came running to the door in her neon spandex gym outfit yelling for some guy who likes his hooker to much to leave?"

"Um…Yûko-san… its ok… she doesn't have to explain that about me…"

"YES SHE DOES."

(Authoress voice) "ii no, ii no. (fine, fine), I'll fix it…"

"THANK YOU KOKKURI-SAN"

"Umm… bye…?"

-

_"Its me… Yûko…"_

"_Oh… sorry… (Insert embarrassment here, while wearing a tight neon spandex gym outfit)"_

-

… Not what I meant but… it works.

-

Well, I had a nice conversation with Himawari-chan about how badly Watanuki needs sedatives. I thought 2mm a day, she recommended 27mm…

-

Did you know that every time you get drunk and drive, some psycho enters your house a taps your phones?

Oh wait, that's only a statistic in America.

-

In Japan its: Did you know that everytime you get drunk and drive, one of the 389,000 cameras in Tokyo or wherever you are will catch you, then they'll break into your house and tap your phones?

-

True fact… I think.

-

"Yûûûûûkoooo-saaaaaaaaaan! What are you babbling on about?"

"Nothing my sweet."

"… not going to ask."

"You shouldn't sweaty face."

"WHAT?"

"Sorry! I mean 'sweety face' but the authoress typed it wrong."

"The _who_?"

"HITSUZEN! (runs)"

"…"

-

"Umm… hey wish granty lady? I need to talk to you about my wish from yesterday…"

"What do we say?"

"Umm… _Watashi wa biru ga motteimas Yûko-chan_?"

"Yes. Good. Anyway, you lie. And since you lie you're going to get hit by a truck. In order to get hit you need to wear this ring (hands ring). There. Have a nice day"

"…"

"(leaves)"

-

So… now I will go visit Dômeki-kun! Because I wanna see the treasures he has… I mean, the shrine has… heh…heh..."

-

(in her dark little room) "So hitsuzens, what shall we do today?"

"get drunk."

"eat Yûko for breakfast"  
"start chapter 3 and stop boring people"

"that's a good idea Hitsuzen number 3."

**_

* * *

See? I talk to them too._ **

Selina


End file.
